US Weekly, People, Star!

I know a lot of people who don't care that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson were recently at the Kings of Leon concert together, or that Bill Maher said that Brad Pitt rolls the best joins in town. They've never heard of TheSuperficial.com or tmz.com and don't even know enough to hate Heidi and Spencer. They're somewhere between myspace and facebook but have no clue what the point of twitter is (does anybody really know?) and have never been to the twittersphere.

I am not one of those aforementioned people.

For reasons unknown to me I have a twitter and tweet from my phone. I have a facebook and a myspace and both are accessible from my iPod touch. I loathe Heidi and Spencer, Brad smoking weed doesn't surprise me, and while I don't give two hoots about the Twilight couple, I'm really just jealous that they went to the Kings of Leon concert because I really want to go. I'm the girl that supplies everyones guilty pleasure. I announced when Jessica and Tony broke up, when Jen and John broke up, when Jon and Kate broke up. . . Pattern! I love the down and dirty, the celebrity feuds and who's dating who, but there are a couple things that I'm ready to gauge my eyes out if I have to see one more time.

Heidi and Spencer
Michael Jackson
Jon and Kate

GO AWAY! PLEASE

Jon and Kate, once good parents who were loved by 85% of the country, have now been reduced to horrible, bickering, jokes of their former selves. Jon needs to start acting like the father of 8 that he is and just deal with the fact that he's not going to be a Single guy ever again! It's done, rub some dirt in it, move on. Kate needs to realize that she's a control freak that will probably drive away any suitor with balls. And a backbone.

Heidi and Spencer, please fall into an active volcano. No, really. Don't claim to be all up in Christ's hizouse if every time you see a flipping flash you stick your ass out. That's really classy of you. And the self promotion has got to stop. No, really. You're famous (I use that term loosely-ha, like Heidi!) because you're idiots. You have no talent, you're not pretty and really, you just knew the right person who incidently also has no talent. Stop taking vacations and expecting me to care where you are. I didn't, I don't and I never will.

Michael Jackson, I'm sorry you were a psycho freak that molested small children and got away with it. I'm sorry that your doctor probably killed you but will you please go away now. I don't care that the funeral was scheduled and then postponed and that LaToya's out to make sure that the world knows that she suspected foul play in the first place. Seriously. Who would've thought that the man of many faces wouldn't die of his nose caving in. He was a weird guy. A talented kid that grew into a talented young man that morphed into a weird guy that died. Let it gooooooo.

Will these three continue to be in the headlines? Yes. Will I gauge my eyes out? No. Will I continue to complain about it? Of course. It's my right as a celebrity watching enthusiast. My dad still complains about sports and watches every game. Celebrity babies are like my play-offs.